Tunawapiga Bao...

The good thing about being 5 years old (in your head, anyway) is relating everything with something you love. So for me & my accomplices for this episode (@stiviz & @madnjomz) its football. & before all the ladies cue their exits, hold on... OK, I lie.

When it comes to pursuing women, most men (fine, ALL) like to think of themselves as "strikers". The go-to guys, the finishers. Occasionally you play "midfield", i.e. through pass your pal, but all guys want to "score".

So of course, there's different "strikers". We have the "Bendtner's" of the world. The guys who talk a lot of smack & hype talk, but never score or score really scrappy goals. Pay themm no mind.

Second, we have the "English strikers". Granted, some are good. But there is so much artificial hype about them (read exaggerated stories & mostly lies) that people end up thinking they are brilliant. When they are really just average or rubbish at best.

We have the "Inzaghi's" also. The real poacher, blends in with the grass even. Very underrated. You don't realise he's in play until its too late, he's scored. Cue Drogba emphatic celebration.

We have the "Cantona's": they guys who have to score the perfect girl. She has to be the prettiest, most desirable girl there is. They will ignore what they consider average women to bed someone for the "highlight reel". Quality rather than quantity.

There's the "African striker" mould. Think Drogba, Eto'o & you get the drift. Pure force, which overshadows their brilliant technique. Quite the noisy one also, wants EVERYONE to know how good they are. Leading to the occasional scuffle with other "players". There seems to be no answer for them however, just applaud from the sidelines. & try not to get stomped in the ensuing celebration...

Finally, there's "Messi". The Chosen One. He leaves cockblockers (defenders) lying in a mangled heap in his way to chipsing with finesse and style. & to make it worse, they are humble about it. They're so brilliant, they can "score" repeatedly & still manage several "assists" for their teammates. Leaves both women and men wondering "how did he do that? AGAIN?!" World Player of the Year for sure.

How you place yourself (or someone else) in these slots is up to you. Bit that's what a disfunctional 5yr old thinks. Nice, no?