Pimping Ain't Easy

I feel for women. Though in this instance its not because of years of discrimination, being taken for granted, or being undermined at seemingly at every opportunity. These are all GREAT injustices, & thank heavens they are being corrected. I feel for women in this instance because of another great injustice: the sheer obtuseness of the advances they receive from some men.

I've seen and heard some things happen that should never, EVER happen. They're always fun to watch & listen to, though. Coz all uncomfortable situations are HIIIILAAAARIOUS when its someone else. Three stories in particular come to mind, & since sharing is caring…

Story 1: a lady friend of mine & her girlfriends are out on the town. In this instance, they are with two male companions. Having jirushad sufficiently, the driver (one of the chaps) offers to take the ladies home. My pal was shotgun, so conversation flowed between herself and the driver. She can't remember how exactly this happened, but the conversation turned to *cough cough* masturbation. The driver went off on a triade about his masterful skill levels & techniques, etcetera etcetera. The logical assumption is that it was a joke to break the ice. *cue narrator voice* Then lo & behold, the lady would give up her secrets on the subject! & they would end the night in a sweaty, breathless heap at his place. GOOOO TEAM!

Story 2: Another lady friend is camping with her girlfriends and mutual dude acquaintances. As the night wore on, one dude who was eyeing her got very maji-d. He started small talk, then conversation drifted to *cough cough* the size of his testicles. He spoke of their grandiose & how heavy a burden they were to bear, but he did so for the good of the world. *cue narrator voice* The lady looked on, speechless! "You MUST show me these wonderful orbs!" she yelled in excitement. By night's end they would end up in his tent a sweaty, breathless heap. TWO FOR 0? GOOOO TEEEEAAAAM!

Story 3: Some chap calls another girl pal of mine in the wee hours of the morning. He introduces himself as some chap who goes to the same church as her (don't sneer. That line is all the rage these days) She curtly informs him of the lateness of his call, & that she was sleeping. But did this put him off? Not this Knight in mushaino armour! He proceeded to drop this unstoppable salvo on her:

"I bet you look really pretty when you are sleeping. You should come to my house so I can watch you sleep."

This coming from a chap she doesn't know. Who probably will now stalk her IN CHURCH. Of course I would bet on him! GOOOO TEEEEEAAAM!

It was VERY hard to keep a straight face when I was hearing these stories. First, all these ladies had NO IDEA how conversation switched to the ones in question. Second, how could ANY guy be successful in any attempt to bed a woman after that? (I have seen it happen, though. But that dude is a ninja.)

So the next time you see a lady nodding as some chap waxes lyrical to her, spare a silent prayer for her. Or get your seven chuckles and move on. Because you never know how wrong that conversation could be going…

Do have a tactful & eloquent weekend.

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