Wale SI Sisi

Still in the +1 (It’s kinda arrogant to give yourself that code. But hey…), & some the differences between here & back home (read +254) range from the very subtle to the stupendous. Let me just say that +1 isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Rather than a horde of inbred Rednecks waiting at the airport to shout unprintables at the immigrants, most people are actually chilled out. But as a Kenyan, some of the systems would never, EVER work back home! The exhibits are as follows:

a)     Da Brat JUST got out of jail. She served three years and will be on probation for seven. For hitting someone in the face! ATI!? In Kenya you have to commit murder SEVERALLY to get that kind of sentence!

b)     If you buy something from a shop & it doesn’t work, you can take it back! To any outlet in the country! & get a full refund!! Sounds obvious, doesn’t it? Now, in MY country…

c)      If you thought weaves in Kenya were bad, huku it’s murderous. EVERYONE has one, ranging from up comers to senior citizens. The justification is that it’s cheaper than braiding (which it isn’t, anyway). My question is: none of your friends know how to braid? In MY country…

d)     I haven't seen a single accident since I came. People are almost always very civil on the road. My mom’s friend told me of how here recently arrived cousin drove on the pavement ati kuhepa jam. Hehe, the police were not amused.

e)     The police will ALWAYS find you if you do something wrong. You’d rather just turn yourself in & save the embarrassing cameo on ‘Cops’ (which is hilarious!). Now, in MY country…

f)       Most houses don’t have fences. (?) It sounds like a wierd observation, I know. But you need to remember that in Kenya most houses have fences so elaborate you’d think it’s a De Beers outpost…

g)     Priorities, priorities. This is to Jose & Tyrone. When your rims are more expensive than your car and/or your house… Some Ting Wong!

h)    Contrary to popular belief, you CAN beat your children. & know I know for a fact, you MUST beat your children! My mother would have killed ¾ of these whiny children if we were in the +254. Oh, the US constitution states that a guardian can discipline a child ‘using reasonable & appropriate force bar deadly force’. & all the Kenyan parents said…

i)       You can get food delivered to your house. Now, let’s think for a sec. You deliver said pizzas to Omosh, Wafula and Kimani. In Dandora. Let’s just say not leaving with the money is the LEAST of your worries!

In a very strange way, I do miss my country. OK, I lie. I miss the people, though. Be thankful that you were born in Kenya even if you don’t like it there. It’s so messed up that when you do go to a place where systems work, you’re golden. True story.

P.S. Happy New Year! Try doing something different for 2011… do what YOU want!